Cambridge and me Part 2

WOW! Remember I wrote Part 1 of this a million moons ago? Well here is Part 2…

I was 100% on this diet the full time I was doing it, probably a little too much thinking back on it now. I remember having a total freak out at the cinema because I was convinced they’d given me a diet coke instead of a coke zero. Diet coke had something in it (the name escapes me now) that can kick you out of ketosis (this is the state you want your body to be in as it means you are burning fuel and fat from your own stores) I actually look it back to the counter in tears to ask if they could change it over, god knows that they must have thought. After getting it changed it tasted exactly the same so was probably right all along!

For any special occasions where I did go out for a meal I would either not eat *rolls eyes* or I’d ask for a salad, with nothing on it… so basically can I have a dry bit of chicken and iceberg lettuce with no croutons and no dressing. You’d be surprised to find it was actually a real hassle to order this, don’t know why it’s not like it was something complex. I ended up just saying I had an allergy to things and thankfully they were a little bit more accommodating.

One time I was really ill and run down, totally full of the cold. I honestly sat for hours googling how many calories where in snot cos I didn’t want to put on any weight… honestly I could hang my head in shame with the nonsense that went through my mind. Don’t get me started on the time I had to take Strepsils!

There was an unofficial motto that went around with these sort of very low calorie diets that “the more you drink, the more you shrink” The reasoning behind this is that the water flushes out your fat cells and helps you lose the pounds and the water fills you up and stops you feeling as hungry. I used to drink an average of 5 litres of water a day, religiously. Now I’m fully aware of how dangerous this can be and people have even died drinking this amount of water a day. I now have an overactive bladder problem that no Urology Specialist can explain and I will be on medication to manage it the rest of my life as well as being a candidate for reconstructive surgery and Botox. Now, I know there is no proof that these are linked but I find it to be too much of a coincidence.

So every Tuesday was the day I’d go to Chris to get weighed and get my products for the week. I was so SO serious about this. I’d wear the same clothes every week, the lightest possible clothes I owned, I’d have gone naked if I could. Most weeks id lose an average 5lbs but as I got closer to being at my goal weigh this slowed down. Chris would always suggest starting to move up the plan and start to introduce calories but I wouldn’t hear any of it. I would literally beg her for one more week on the plan. At one point I actually put weights in my pants so it would look like I wasn’t losing any weight so she’d think I had stabilised and it was fine. What a complete idiot!! I don’t know what the hell I thought I was playing at… also the weights where bloody tiny, I wasn’t wearing size 18 pants anymore so there was nowhere to hide them.

I don’t blame Chris for letting me away with what I was doing, I was amazing for her business! I don’t think she realised I had caught on to what she was doing but she would book new people coming to see her either before or after my appointment and either keep theirs running late so they’d still be there when I got there or vice versa. This was basically so she could show me off to people, and no bloody wonder I had lost 100lbs, how is that for a bit of publicity?! I still feel weird about it though. I would be sitting there giving these people all these tips and tricks about the plan and she was making the one making money from them. She also had my before and after photos up for anybody to see. I’m not having a go, don’t get me wrong but this didn’t help one little bit with me getting carried away with getting slimmer and all this attention I was getting from it.

All I wanted to do was drop below 10st and go into single figures, I was like a woman possessed. I had a monthly pass to the gym, swimming and exercise classes that cost me £34 a month. At one point I was going to so many classes that I worked out I was saving myself almost £90 A WEEK!!!

Then I re discovered alcohol and nights out! All I wanted to do was go out and show off what I looked like now and no bloody wonder, I looked amazing. But if I’m honest I really did end up living a pretty empty shallow life for a few months. Really, who cared that I didn’t have to stand in line to get into clubs or that guys would buy me drinks. Where does that actually get you in life?! I’ll tell you where, nowhere and it really affected a lot of my friendships because of the way I was acting.

As the nights out continued so would the hangovers and eating crap the next day to feel better. The exercises classes stopped and I can tell you now the closest I’ve been to a gym in years was sitting in their carpark waiting for it to be time to go and collect my Chinese. Old habits became every day occurrences and that was really it. I’m back to how I was before Cambridge but I’m a different person now and I took a lot away from doing it.

I feel a lot more confident within myself, I have a lot more confidence to dress how I want and not just bury myself in jeans and a tshirt. Before Cambridge I would NEVER have been seen dead in a dress. I put a lot more effort into my hair and my make up and yeah I know in photos I’ll look fat, but no wonder, I am fat!

I have tried to do Cambridge one more time since the time with Chris and it just wasn’t the same, the drive and determination where gone because I didn’t feel as low as I did the first time but that’s because I was a different person. It was just a waste of money.

As of tomorrow I am embarking on a fitness routine with a personal trainer, I don’t want to drastically change how I look, I just want to be fitter and healthier for myself. And that’s the most important thing, you have to want to change, you have to want to do it for yourself and you have to stay true to who you are

ldizzy xx

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