The thing that sticks in my mind when I think of Jo was the time she told me she hated me. She was reading out things in her diary she had written about me and then sort of just brushed over it. The next day she handed me a letter that explained the reason she hated me was because she had put up a wall, she didn’t want anybody else to get close to her – but I had. Saying that she had a very funny way of showing it and I can honestly say I’m not sure she even liked me half the time (or most of the time) getting more eye rolls and sighs than I can remember

When I got the phone call that Jo had passed away I felt like my heart had truly been broken into a million pieces and I don’t know if all of those will ever go back together. Instead of going home I went to the pub we used to drink in sat in our old seat and I drank, I laughed and I cried. People deal with things differently and that’s where she’d have wanted me to be.

In third year of High School we were assigned seats beside each other, neither of us where impressed by this and soon persuaded a friend to swap seats so we could escape. The thought of this always makes me laugh because after we became friends we would scramble to sit next to each other, although it never lasted long, there would be too much giggling and making of faces and we’d soon be split up. One time we both got hauled out of our maths class for making Chewin’ the fat character faces across the room.

It escapes me now as to how we actually did become friends, I think another friend and I had been sitting alone and we had been invited to have lunch with her group of friends. After weeks of waiting to be been invited we finally took the hint and knew we were welcome.

That was it from then on, you didn’t really get one without the other and I can’t actually remember her not being there she just always was.

I remember when she moved to London to go to University; we were both heartbroken to be splitting up. We went to the pub and had some drinks before walking home together. We walked so so slowly because we didn’t want that night to end. We held hands so tightly that the next day I had bruises on my fingers from where hers had held mine. I told her I wanted to come with her but she told me “no, you have to stay here and meet your husband”

I was always so in awe of Jo and couldn’t understand why she would choose me to be her friend and share so much of her life with her. I never thought I was smart enough or funny enough to be friends with her. This led to me letting her get away with bossing me around because if she thought I was useful she’d keep me around. This was ridiculous I’m fully aware of this and this would never have been the reason she was friends with me. She was just a bit lazy and I was willing to go and get her stuff.

I remember when Jos illness started to become a problem and she was in hospital a couple of times a year with chest infections. I’d go in on a Saturday night to the hospital to watch Xfactor (it might have been actually Pop Idol in those days) and the nurses would make me cups of tea and not mind that sometimes I was in the bed beside her eating her fruit pastels. The nurses showed me how to do her IVs so she was able to get discharged early after one stay and I would have been able to help.

Straight to the pub like a couple of idiots we went. Oh my god, sitting at her dining room table later on trying to “flush” the IVs… *rolls eyes*

She never let it get her down ever and she never complained about it.She was the person I knew who lived life to the fullest. I always used to describe her as being the first one at the party and the last one to leave. She never played on being ill, except when it came to meeting celebrities. I think she hated people knowing she was ill and it wasn’t information she would give out to people, it was nobody’s business anyway.

When we where teenagers we would write each other letters a few times a week (we didn’t have mobile phones in those days so it was the only way to communicate) we poured our hearts out about whatever drama I had worked up in my head to be a million times worse than it really was. She never got annoyed and always listened and offered the best advice.

I still have all the letters she ever wrote me. I’m not really much of a sentimental person when it comes to possessions but these are one of the only things I’ve kept from my early teens. Those and the mix tapes she made me. I loved getting mix tapes from her; she was so good at

making them! I on the other hand was hashy, could never get them to run to the perfect amount of time and you could always hear me pausing and unpausing the tape or the start of the next song. Each tape she gave me was a little masterpiece with each song name perfectly written on the box.

When we were 18 we ordered 2 fake IDs off the internet (we used our school photos for them – uniforms and all) and went off on a big adventure to America to stay with some friends we had met when they studied in Scotland. I still to this day do not know how we survived it was wild!

As I sit here now the thing that plays on my mind the most is all the things I never got to say to her or hoped she knew. She was my best friend for 18 years, she was part of me and I will always feel like I let her down in the end… and I will never be able to forgive myself for that.

She stood next to me on my wedding day, told me I looked beautiful and then complained that I hadn’t got her chicken nuggets when I had been out in the morning! She was the only other person I knew who thought it was perfectly acceptable to take an invisible pigeon for a walk. Couldn’t be bothered walking up a hill so made me push her. Knew the true hilarity of a side score or a fat dog. The person who would fart and make me guess what she had been eating. Could treat a shrunken packet of Wheat Crunches as a sentimental item or found having a beer in the shower more than acceptable. Someone who never thought it was too early for shots and would always stay another song…


Room 101

Most people will be aware of the tv show “Room 101”. If not it’s where celebrities go on with three of their biggest pet peeves and pitch for them to be vanished into Room 101 forever!

I’ve managed to whittle mine down to just 3 (people who open windows as soon as they enter the room just narrowly missed out)

Let me know yours and why!



Rude reactions to my tattoos

It might come as a shock to people but I am pretty much 100% aware that I have tattoos. I chose them, I paid for them, I look after them and it’s my skin that the needle was jabbed into – you don’t need to point out to me that I’m “heavily” tattooed (I’m not in my opinion)! I do have eyes…

Probably the most common comment I get is “why have you ruined yourself?” Don’t get me wrong I get loads of compliments as well as plenty of questions. Weirdly it’s always older women who give the most compliments and always tell me that they love the fact that a woman can look like that as it wouldn’t have been the same in their day.

The worst experience I’ve had recently was with a guy who decided to tell me he hated tattoos. I mentioned to him that I had thought about training as a nurse and what would he do if he came to my ward needing help and it was me that rocked up. He then went on to questions my friend who is a Police Office “how did you get into the police covered in tattoos” eh pretty easily pal – when will people realise that having tattoos doesn’t hinder your ability to do your job


People who don’t understand the cinema

My husband and I have unlimited cinema cards so it’s somewhere we attend a lot. Every time we go the behaviour of the other people there just gets worse and worse! Why pay all that money to bloody talk? A few weeks ago we went to see John Wick 2, cinema was totally packed yet surprise surprise the only zoomer in the place sits behind me! She insisted on making noise throughout the film, either every time somebody got hurt (and it’s a violent film) or any time there was any writing on the screen she insisted on reading it out or simply pointing out the obvious “oh he’s away to get his doggy” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!! If the person in front of you turns round looks at you and tuts take the hint!

The same thing happened at the weekend, it was like sitting in front of a live version of IMDB – “That’s Michael Keaton, he’s batman, what’s he doing in this?” I DON’T KNOW JUST BLOODY WATCH IT!

ALSO, how can people not understand where they are supposed to sit? There is a map when you go in telling you where all the seats are!?! The amount of people who come in when it’s already started flashing their phone lights in folks faces trying to work out where they are supposed to be going to then end up wandering down to the other part of the screen to their allocated seats. It’s not bloody difficult! We sit in the same two seats every time we go yet we still check the map to make sure we know where we are going


Surprise Parties

Okay, so I’ve never been thrown a surprise party so that is maybe where my views come from but is it really possible to throw somebody a surprise party without them knowing?

So, it’s your birthday coming up and you want to organise something yourself YET all your friends mysteriously have plans?!? The same applies to any occasion really.

Your significant other, family member or best friend out of nowhere suggest going somewhere random or somewhere you haven’t been before. “I’ve got an idea, let’s go to the rugby club on Saturday night!” of course they are throwing you a party!

I was gonna say feel free to let me know if you’ve been thrown a surprise party and if you actually knew about it or not BUT I doubt people would want to let on to their relatives who put so much effort into the planning. I’m not saying I would be ungrateful far from it, I just think my nose would have got the better of me and I would have worked it out!

New Year – New Me – PT

So here we are in 2017 with most of us agreeing that 2016 was just alittle bit pish! I was asked a couple of days ago if I had made any New Year’s resolutions and the answer was no (I’m sure I actually said something along the lines of “No, I’m just gonna continue to be the same shite person I was in 2016”) This is technically not true as I chose not to wait till the coming of the New Year to make a huge change and sort my shit!

So, the story goes… Last May, I woke up with a really sore eye, all bloodshot and painful like a migraine. I didn’t think anything of it but after it hadn’t shifted a couple of days later I saw an Optician who promptly sent me to the Eye Pavilion to find out I had inflammation in my eye and that’s why I couldn’t see. Drops didn’t work so the only option left was a high dose of oral steroids. I wasn’t overly impressed by this but I really had no other option. As most people know one thing steroids make you do is balloon and being not helped by the fact I was eating anything in sight. Eating chips and a pudding for lunch and blaming it on “the roids”. I didn’t notice at the time but I had gotten pretty big

We had a wedding coming up that we would be attending all weekend and camping. So there started the almost never ending saga of finding a dress. I ended up having to buy a dress that was a size 20 using the excuse that there wasn’t much give in the fabric so I had to go up a size (or 2) Then commenced the saga of outfit 2. For that I ended up in a gorgeous midi skirt but as I had been reading too many Buzzfeed articles had it in my head that it would be a good idea to wear a crop top! (Sorry for that image and even more apologies go to the people who had to see it) I got a few inches of lace added to it so I didn’t really show anything off – it wasn’t as obscene as I had described.

I ended up being so withdrawn at the wedding reception, not wanting to get up and dance and felt like shite next to all the pretty girls. I couldn’t believe I was back here again.

Oh wait! I forgot the bit where I almost died/missed the wedding!

The wedding ceremony was on the beach so we had to walk from our tent to where they had planned to get married. EH! Why was I not previously warned how hard it is to walk on sand when you are a fat bugger? It was literally the biggest struggle and was sooo embarrassing. Not helped by the fact that I had hot flushes (steroids again) so by the time I got there I was puffing, panting and dripping… not a good look Louise! In a word it was a total cringe, I felt bad for Gary pretending it was a hard walk to make me feel better for being so unfit.

So, the point of my story EVENTUALLY!

Once we came back I said to Gary I wanted to get fit and I had an idea. I thought I would ask one of Garys friends who is a personal trainer to help out. I’m pretty sure Gary thought I had gone totally off my rocker and this was like another of my schemes. I sent Kane a message and told him how I wanted to get fit yet I was the most unfit person in the world, also explaining how I was still on steroids and I needed to do something to combat them. 

Kane was really understanding and explained all about 30 minute boxing sessions he was offering that I would do 3 times a week. Gary kept asking if I was sure I knew what I was getting myself into and there is no way I was in for an easy time and if I had it in my head that Kane would go easy on me I had another thing coming and I would be getting beasted!

So my first session came, and I was shitting my pants! Down the stairs I come in my brand spanking new clothes resembling somebody who couldn’t fight their way out a wet paper bag! I still didn’t know what I’d gotten myself into!

I can’t actually remember what we did the first session but it was split up into stretching, warm up, punching rounds and then core work to finish. All my sessions follow this pattern and include leg work, lunges, steps, wall sits and more squats than you can shake your butt at! (I still complain about doing squats cos I stand by the fact my bum should not be getting any bigger)

So 3 times a week from my little living room “gym” I completed session after session! Even though 9 times out of 10 I felt like I was gonna vom I actually found myself enjoying it. It’s amazing how much of a release punching pads are after somebody has pissed you off that day!

For some reason I chose to document each session with a sweaty red faced photo posted on Facebook. These not only gave people a laugh but showed them if I could do it anybody could!

Saying I enjoy my sessions is actually a complete understatement I LOVE them! Yes, they are horrific at the time and I’ve wanted to either cry or die but I feel amazing after them! Honestly like I could take on the world (I can’t)

Kane is the most patient and amazing trainer. He never makes me feel like I’m stupid for not understanding or that I’m actually shite at what I’m doing! He always encourages and pushes me and gets the best out of me. He is a trained fighter so I’m under zero illusions that it must be pretty funny having me punching him with the strength of an angry 5yr old – but he never makes me feel like that!

I’ve completed 4 months worth of sessions and I feel brilliant (even though I’m suffering with a broken boob from one of this weeks sessions) 

There has been a huge physical and mental change in me. I have found myself completely changing shape and my once massive tummy slowly but surely getting smaller as well as dropping 2 dress sizes. 

This is the first winter in years that I have not struggled with my mental health (yet I do frequently struggle with stairs – dam you squats) I’ve been told my moods seem better and I am a lot less angry moany as I usually am. I can feel that in myself now, I feel a lot more positive and like I have a lot more energy!

I also have my confidence back, in October we went to another wedding and it could not have been more different from the last. I felt amazing and you couldn’t get me off the dance floor! It felt so good to be me again!

I am just at the start of my fitness journey and I can’t wait to look back in 2018 and see how far I have come!

I couldn’t have done this without the support of Gary, Kane and everybody why gives my daft sweaty pictures a like or leaves a comment. Or have taken time to come up to me and tell me they are proud of what I’m doing! It means so much to me to know so many people are behind me!

Oh! And not forgetting Yvonne! Who started her journey with Kane at the same time and has been a constant rock for me there to message and moan at and encourage eachother!

Punching things FTW!

Ldizzy xx

JOMO – Joy of Missing Out

When I was younger I think I may have invented FOMO (Fear of missing out) seriously I would NEVER miss a night out. I remember there being this huge farewell party at this pub we drank at for years as the owner had sold the place, not one to be missed. Sadly, I got some sort of virus, was that stopping me? NO! I went. I remember sitting in the corner of this ridiculously packed pub and I thought I was dying. It was so hot in the place there was condensation pouring down the windows, and there’s me sitting there with about 5 coats covering me, freezing my backside off. I eventually got sent home, crying my eyes out because I didn’t want to go. I still to this day don’t know if I missed the party of the century but I think I probably did.

Fast forward some years and oh my god I have no idea who that girl was, I don’t know where the time, energy, money or inclination even came from. I actually get excited now to buy new house “loungewear”. All I ever want is to be at home! Only yesterday I told my husband that if he needed ideas for a birthday present for me I’d seen a new nightshirt! lol

See if you are successful in getting me to come to a night out you need a bloody gold medal. Unfortunately I think people take it personally and that I do understand. If I was constantly trying to meet up with somebody who couldn’t be arsed then I’d tell them to hit the road too.

But why do people feel the need to have an excuse for not wanting to go out? I’m the world’s worst for feeling like I need to have a valid reason. I was just having a conversation with my friend about this and she said “I remember when we first became friends and Sharon said Louise will ALWAYS understand if you cancel and I remember being so grateful” and that means a lot to me.

Another good friend and I will plan a night out but by the time it comes around usually one of us can’t be overly bothered. So, we just say “I can’t be bothered, just gonna chill tonight” and the other will accept that. Of course there are times when I might be disappointed but there will be other nights out. The main thing is neither of us takes this as a reflection on the strength of our friendships. We know we are really close and we can call on each other for anything just sometimes after a hard week and if our mental health isn’t doing so well going to your bed stupidly early and watching X Factor is the better option.

I have to take my bipolar medication around the same time every night. These help me sleep but if I’m on a night out I will end up taking them much later and this just completely messes me up. I know people will say “come home from your night out early” or “just don’t have a drink” but deep down I’m still the girl with the FOMO who always gets carried away, takes it a little bit too far when she’s out and whose motto used to be “What’s the first rule off peer pressure… always say YES”

But when I got diagnosed with Bipolar a few years ago I knew I had to make some lifestyle changes and being home at a sensible time or not even going out at all are two of the most important ones. Sadly, I just can’t help shake the feeling that I’m letting people down if I don’t have an excuse or by being stupid enough to even agree to go out in the first place. If I do go and it’s a little but further afield I can become a little bit anxious and start to fret about not being home. I know I harp on about my mental health a lot but I think people forget about it at times and don’t realise how much I have to do to regulate it.

I don’t like using it as an excuse but it’s not an excuse, it’s the truth.

Ldizzy xx

Cambridge and me Part 2

WOW! Remember I wrote Part 1 of this a million moons ago? Well here is Part 2…

I was 100% on this diet the full time I was doing it, probably a little too much thinking back on it now. I remember having a total freak out at the cinema because I was convinced they’d given me a diet coke instead of a coke zero. Diet coke had something in it (the name escapes me now) that can kick you out of ketosis (this is the state you want your body to be in as it means you are burning fuel and fat from your own stores) I actually look it back to the counter in tears to ask if they could change it over, god knows that they must have thought. After getting it changed it tasted exactly the same so was probably right all along!

For any special occasions where I did go out for a meal I would either not eat *rolls eyes* or I’d ask for a salad, with nothing on it… so basically can I have a dry bit of chicken and iceberg lettuce with no croutons and no dressing. You’d be surprised to find it was actually a real hassle to order this, don’t know why it’s not like it was something complex. I ended up just saying I had an allergy to things and thankfully they were a little bit more accommodating.

One time I was really ill and run down, totally full of the cold. I honestly sat for hours googling how many calories where in snot cos I didn’t want to put on any weight… honestly I could hang my head in shame with the nonsense that went through my mind. Don’t get me started on the time I had to take Strepsils!

There was an unofficial motto that went around with these sort of very low calorie diets that “the more you drink, the more you shrink” The reasoning behind this is that the water flushes out your fat cells and helps you lose the pounds and the water fills you up and stops you feeling as hungry. I used to drink an average of 5 litres of water a day, religiously. Now I’m fully aware of how dangerous this can be and people have even died drinking this amount of water a day. I now have an overactive bladder problem that no Urology Specialist can explain and I will be on medication to manage it the rest of my life as well as being a candidate for reconstructive surgery and Botox. Now, I know there is no proof that these are linked but I find it to be too much of a coincidence.

So every Tuesday was the day I’d go to Chris to get weighed and get my products for the week. I was so SO serious about this. I’d wear the same clothes every week, the lightest possible clothes I owned, I’d have gone naked if I could. Most weeks id lose an average 5lbs but as I got closer to being at my goal weigh this slowed down. Chris would always suggest starting to move up the plan and start to introduce calories but I wouldn’t hear any of it. I would literally beg her for one more week on the plan. At one point I actually put weights in my pants so it would look like I wasn’t losing any weight so she’d think I had stabilised and it was fine. What a complete idiot!! I don’t know what the hell I thought I was playing at… also the weights where bloody tiny, I wasn’t wearing size 18 pants anymore so there was nowhere to hide them.

I don’t blame Chris for letting me away with what I was doing, I was amazing for her business! I don’t think she realised I had caught on to what she was doing but she would book new people coming to see her either before or after my appointment and either keep theirs running late so they’d still be there when I got there or vice versa. This was basically so she could show me off to people, and no bloody wonder I had lost 100lbs, how is that for a bit of publicity?! I still feel weird about it though. I would be sitting there giving these people all these tips and tricks about the plan and she was making the one making money from them. She also had my before and after photos up for anybody to see. I’m not having a go, don’t get me wrong but this didn’t help one little bit with me getting carried away with getting slimmer and all this attention I was getting from it.

All I wanted to do was drop below 10st and go into single figures, I was like a woman possessed. I had a monthly pass to the gym, swimming and exercise classes that cost me £34 a month. At one point I was going to so many classes that I worked out I was saving myself almost £90 A WEEK!!!

Then I re discovered alcohol and nights out! All I wanted to do was go out and show off what I looked like now and no bloody wonder, I looked amazing. But if I’m honest I really did end up living a pretty empty shallow life for a few months. Really, who cared that I didn’t have to stand in line to get into clubs or that guys would buy me drinks. Where does that actually get you in life?! I’ll tell you where, nowhere and it really affected a lot of my friendships because of the way I was acting.

As the nights out continued so would the hangovers and eating crap the next day to feel better. The exercises classes stopped and I can tell you now the closest I’ve been to a gym in years was sitting in their carpark waiting for it to be time to go and collect my Chinese. Old habits became every day occurrences and that was really it. I’m back to how I was before Cambridge but I’m a different person now and I took a lot away from doing it.

I feel a lot more confident within myself, I have a lot more confidence to dress how I want and not just bury myself in jeans and a tshirt. Before Cambridge I would NEVER have been seen dead in a dress. I put a lot more effort into my hair and my make up and yeah I know in photos I’ll look fat, but no wonder, I am fat!

I have tried to do Cambridge one more time since the time with Chris and it just wasn’t the same, the drive and determination where gone because I didn’t feel as low as I did the first time but that’s because I was a different person. It was just a waste of money.

As of tomorrow I am embarking on a fitness routine with a personal trainer, I don’t want to drastically change how I look, I just want to be fitter and healthier for myself. And that’s the most important thing, you have to want to change, you have to want to do it for yourself and you have to stay true to who you are

ldizzy xx

Life lessons

I may not be the sharpest bulb in the tool shed but there are a few of the life lessons I have picked up over my 30 years

  •  You will be unable to secure a day off school by putting moisturiser in your eye and claiming to now be blind
  • Washing up liquid should NOT be used as alternative for dish washer tablets… You may think they do the same thing but when you are still scooping out foam 2 hours later it will be 100% clear that they do not
  • When putting on a wetsuit (sorry for that mental image) the zip should always be on the back, no matter what some “helpful” people in the changing room say. There is a high chance you will choke yourself and almost cut your head off
  • A safe is indeed called so because it keeps your stuff safe! (lightbulb)
  • Just because you think your dad is putting a football valve up his nose does not mean you should try it yourself. It WILL get stuck and you WILL have to get it removed by a doctor
  • It is not a good idea to mutter to your brother to “fuck off” when your apparently hard of hearing grandmother is in the next room…
  • If you down a can of Irn Bru while lying on your back and then roll over you will burp like Barney from the Simpsons
  • If chatting to a guy at the bar always make sure that he doesn’t mistake you for your best friend. This will avoid her receiving a very awkward phone call the next day from her boyfriend
  • Don’t vomit into a freezer bag and then drop it onto your straighteners that you have forgot to turn off
  • No matter where you go and what you see in life it will never top seeing a Zebra farting in the face of a small child
  • You can convince two guys in a nightclub that you are your pal are Swedish by simply nodding and saying “Henrik Larson” and “Celtic” in the shittest accent ever
  • If you put your elbow through the headrest on the bus it will get stuck
  • Just because you’ve been given a free she wee at a music festival doesn’t mean you should use it. Be prepared to spend the day with wet pants and jeans

ldizzy xx

Some random things about me!

  • My right ear doesn’t curl over at the top like a normal ear, it goes straight and looks like something has been nibbling at it. My nephew Riley has the exact same ear so in honor of that I have a small blue love heart tattoo on it
  • I am a terrible speller, even at the age of 30 I still struggle with it. It took me about 20 times to spell the word fire correctly last week. It’s one of the only things that I get really sensitive about people making fun of me for. When I was little I wrote a story about going to the church and being in the gravy yard *facepalm*
  • I get completely obsessed with things. As soon as I find something of interest I want to know everything about it. My past obsessions have been bats, The Kennedys, The First and Second World War, The Vietnam War, The Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland and tattoos.
  • When I was little my grandad told me that because of his time in the army things never give him a fright… I took this as my life goal to give him a fright! I must have sat on this for about 5yrs before picking my moment, I hid in the hall behind the living room door and jumped out on him and screamed “raaaar!” He got such a fright I’m lucky he didn’t have a heart attack! Oops
  • I can still remember the cheat code for Aladdin on the Sega Mega Drive – AABBAABBAABBA (The one for the Lion King was UP DOWN LEFT RIGHT START)
  • I only started drinking coffee 3yrs ago. I don’t know how I ever managed to live without it! I feel I have had so many wasted opportunities in my life to have good coffee though.
  • One of my special skills in life is working out who or what people look like, my references are usually actors, animals and cartoon characters though
  • There really isn’t a week that goes by where somebody doesn’t tell me that I’m strange or weird or a lunatic. Since when does taking a photo of yourself with green jelly beans up your nose with the caption “Think I’ve got a cold” mean you are a lunatic?! I am also the shower surfing champion of our household
  • One of my all-time favourite films has to be Bean the Movie, the one where he goes to America and they think he’s a famous art professor, bloody brilliant! The scene where he is in the police interview room dancing at the two way mirror gets me ever time!
  • I pick my nose ALL the time
  • When I go to the toilet during the night I will never flush it. I’m scared that somebody will manage to sneak up and attack me and I won’t be able to hear them over the noise of the toilet flushing.
  • When my husband was away on a stag do I decided to go out to the pub with some friends and may have got slightly drunk. When I got home I was totally bursting on a pee and trying to get into the house… I never made it. Instead, made it as far as the living room before having an “accident” on the laminate flooring , slipped on it, fell over and woke up on the floor hours later… twat

ldizzy xx

Ten things I have asked Google

  • Why does having a poo make you feel better?
  • Are my cat’s frenemies?
  • Can sitting beside somebody ridiculously loud affect your hearing?
  • Why are my arms numb?
  • Can you die of a hangover?
  • Can having dirty hair give you a sore head?
  • Why did my cat pee in my shoes?
  • Can you tattoo fat arms?
  • Why is the Dave Channel louder than all the others?
  • Is it dangerous to eat a whole packet of cinnamon Jolly Ranchers?

Cambridge and Me – Part 1

Okay, where do I start?

Many many moons ago I was at a 21st birthday party. When the birthday girl was giving a wee speech and thanking everybody for coming and thanking her parents for taking her to New York one of the guests shouted out she was a “spoiled c**t”. Now, me being me I looked over and told him to shhh as there were children there and its frankly bloody f’ing rude!

The guys pal comes back from the bar and he relays the story to him, points over at me and says “that fat c**t over there” I was devastated… I ended up being too self conscious to dance and even more so to go to the buffet. I told everybody I was fine, but obviously I wasn’t.

This obviously wasn’t the first time my weight was an issue or got me down so my parents suggested a Gastric band… my mum thought this was a drastic measure and told me that she wanted me to try one last thing and if that didn’t work she would give me her blessing. So she put me in touch with Chris, a client of hers who was a Cambridge Weight Management Plan Consultant (don’t call it a diet)

The first time I met Chris she weighed and measured me and sent me off with my wee box of shakes. I could not believe this was my food for the week! Sitting there, with a box no bigger than a KFC box meal and this was to do me for the week!?!

The first day (a Thursday) was truly horrific, I think I had myself convinced that I was gonna die. Every shake I had tried was disgusting and I had no energy and could not stop crying. I remember my mum brining me through my “dinner” 120g of chicken and 3 bits of broccoli, it was such a small portion that it fitted on a saucer. My parents told me that I didn’t have to keep putting myself through this and I could stop if I wanted to.

I managed to muddle through the Friday by filling myself with water but I still felt terrible. On the Saturday I went back to see Chris to swap some of my shakes for ones I found not as minging. When I was there she weighed me, I’d lost 4lbs…. right okay, it was like chucking a deck chair off the Titanic but it was a start.

Okay, so I’m not proud of it but I will admit to this. I remember one day standing opening a tin of dog meat to feed Archie and I was so hungry I almost licked the spoon… You’d think it had been a piece of steak the way my mouth was watering and the spoon came waaaay closer to passing my lips than it should have. Thank god Archie got moved onto dry food!

From then on I was so determined to keep going and I did, for 7 months. I lost 107lbs and went from a dress size 20 to a 6 but the problem was I was addicted to it.  I would beg Chris to let me have one more week on the program level that I was on, it was intended to only be used for people that were classed as morbidly obese with a high BMI and not intended to be used for any more than 6 weeks without a break, not 7 months…